If you can’t forgive and you can’t accept, then you may want to try the concept of penance. Penance is self-punishment performed to show sorrow for having committed an act. Punishment is the penalty that is imposed on somebody for wrongdoing. By not forgiving yourself or someone else, you are always punishing yourself. Some people punish themselves by negative self talk. I’m an idiot. I’m stupid. I’m a jerk. Some people punish themselves by not trying to succeed. I don’t deserve this. Some people try to punish others by never forgiving them. In reality, people who never forgive others are only punishing themselves by always remembering the event that caused them pain. What to do? Try the following.
Let your punishment fit the crime. In Canada, the maximum life sentence without the possibility of parole is twenty five years. Both a life sentence and dangerous offender designation are very rarely used even when the offender is found guilty of a particularly grievous offence. If you are declared a dangerous offender there is no maximum or minimum sentence. But either way, a parole review occurs every seven years.